People are complex creatures. We love at first sight. We hate over petty things. We create elaborate works of art. We attack without reason. We ponder greatness. We lament failure. A person’s worth is determined by fleeting thoughts. And levels of respect can fluctuate like the tide. The whimsical attitude of friends towards each other can be equated to the cycles of menstruation: sometimes you get heavy amounts of attention and sometimes next to none. People have their own lives to live. Everyone has that one pressing matter to which all other things seem to pale in comparison. It’s as if all the world melts way until all that is left is the tunnel vision focused on that one main objective.
It astounds me that years of trust and friendship can be done away with in a matter of minutes. What was thought to be a solid friendship full of trust and respect now seems to be people barely aware of each other existence and nothing more. It hurts. To try to contact someone, to try to have a conversation, to try to have basic human interaction all seem to be out of the question now. There is only so much one can do. I can bust my ass, improve my level of self worth, and try to strike up a chat with you all I want, but if you are unwilling to let me prove that I am still a human being with things to offer this planet, then I don’t know what else to do. In the last few months, I have been more open and honest than I have ever accomplished in my life, and you don’t treat that as anything of value. You tell me to look hard at myself. You tell me to improve this and that and that too. Oh, and that one over there as well. But why? I know I am a good person. I know I make a difference in this world. So then what do I do? That’s just it. I don’t know. I could sit around and mope. I could go intentionally start a fight. I could go to my girlfriends party at the club like I’ve been planning on all week. Or I could say fuck this shit and just leave town. And I’ve actually been recommended to do that. But I won’t. I love Jamie too much. She is my world. I’m sad that she was made to choose friends over me. Actually, I’m fucking livid. I should be the one that got to go. I am the one who deserves it. I have literally been though hell these last few months. We have. My girlfriend and I. The one person I should be able to see and there are people who don’t want me to? ON HER FUCKING BIRTHDAY!!???! That’s pretty low whoever you are. It’s pretty sad that you don’t feel like you can be in a crowded club with me. Am I that poisonous? Am I just that bad of a person that you can’t be seen with me? The answer is no. I am not the bad person I am being made out to be. And no one will let me plead my case. Friends that I have thought of as family for a long ass time don’t want anything to do with me. And they don’t want Jamie to have anything to do with me. Newsflash: SHE IS MY GIRLFRIEND. Why don’t you let her and I make the decisions that pertain to our life, to our future. I don’t know who you are, but even if I did, I still wouldn’t go intervene in your shit. And that’s because I respect you. Whether you respect me or not. I appreciate you, whether you appreciate me or not. And I love you, whether or not you love me. And that is called taking the moral high ground. See you can try to fuck with me. You can try to tear me down and you can do everything in your power to make mine and Jamie’s life miserable. But it won’t work. And congratulations asshole, you gave Jamie the birthday present of stress, worry, anger and unhappiness. I hope you realize that. You made Jamie choose between a group of friends and me ON HER FUCKING BIRTHDAY! What the hell kind of birthday present is that? You should be ashamed of yourself. And I hope whoever you are, that you get to see this. I don’t know who you are, and I don’t want to know. I don’t need to know. I hope you are happy. We could have all had a great night together. But now the one person who deserves the world from each and every person she knows is getting less than par from someone, and you know what? It wasn’t me this time. Congrats dick.
Pool@1 year ago